Counselling is a generic word for a talking therapy whereby the person seeking help is given a space to talk about what is bothering them and the person counselling them listens. This, in a nutshell, is the basis of what we mean by ‘counselling’. However, different counsellors will work in different ways depending on their trainings, personal preferences and philosophical underpinnings of their practice. Some counsellors may use psychodynamic models of therapy, some may use cognitive behavioural models of therapy, some may use humanistic models of therapy (such as person-centred therapy) and others may use an integrative approach. Depending on the model of therapy used the experience of counselling can vary considerably.

As a counsellor using person-centred models of therapy I will write from my perspective to give you an idea of what it is like to experience counselling with me. Counselling is characterised first and foremost by certain relational conditions; empathy, acceptance, genuineness, and presence. These conditions are the foundations of my practice. When you come to counselling you will feel these conditions ‘holding’ you, hopefully providing a sense of safety and warmth which will help you with processing whatever you need to process.

As you talk in counselling the person-centred counsellor actively listens. This is to say that when I am counselling someone I am not just listening to them; I am hearing the words, attempting to get a sense of the emotion(s) connected to the words, thinking about the bigger meanings behind the words, attuning, responding and interacting with body language and changes in tone of voice, whilst tracking my own internal experiences, bodily sensations and impulses, and offering responses to your words which may help you deepen your awareness and processing.

You can talk about anything in counselling, there is not a ‘right’ way to do it. There is not a ‘wrong’ way either. Counselling is not just for ‘talking about the past’ and it is not just for people experiencing mental health difficulties of any kind. Counselling is whatever it needs to be for you at this time in your life. It is starting out upon a journey whereby you fill in the map as you go along. I can’t predict what will happen and how it will help, but I can say that it almost always is helpful in some way.

What isn’t Counselling

Counselling isn’t advice about what you should do about your life problems, neither is it simply teaching people ‘techniques’. It isn’t a mentoring / befriending helping relationship, neither is it ‘just a chat’ or about being ‘friends’. It is not sympathy, positivity or feel-good, ‘blue-sky’, Instagram-able quotes. A counsellor won’t tell you what you should talk about or what you should do. Answers don’t come from the counsellor, but from within you.

Seeing a person-centred counsellor isn’t about seeing an ‘Expert’ who knows what’s best. It isn’t looking at inkblot pictures or ‘lying down on the couch’. A person-centred counsellor does not sit taking notes in front of you, ‘analysing’ you and making interpretations, neither does a person-centred counsellor diagnose you or respond to your difficulties through the lens of diagnosis.

For further information see the FAQs page.